Quest Technologies, Inc.

TEXAS GENIE REFUSES TO LEAVE BOTTLE

06-01-00

After months of tight-lipped silence, with security rivaling the World War II "Manhattan Project", authorities will finally speak to the public about the most amazing scientific discovery of all time.

In a large auditorium located in the Johnson Space Center (JSC) a 12 member panel gathered for the first press conference in nearly three months.

Reading from a prepared statement, spokesperson Richard Prentice, CEO of Quest Technologies, Inc., made the following announcement:

"Good morning.  Since last October, when the 3 foot tall bottle was found floating in the Houston ship channel, scientists of all disciplines, nationalities, and races have worked together around the clock to unravel the secret writings and drawings covering the bottle from top to bottom.

Deciphering the ancient text goes frustratingly slow but these men and women eagerly approach the project with enthusiasm and dedication.

Here's what we've learned.

	The bottle is older than initially believed, at least 6,000 years old.
	The Genie is immortal and can come and go from his vessel at will.

He can speak every dialect of every language, but is moody, irritable, and uncommunicative.

Psychiatrists have opposing views on exactly why the genie exhibits anger, rage, and hostility.  Some doctors theorize that grouchiness is a natural part of the (6,000 year) aging process.  Others belive it's lack of female companionship.  One group adamantly holds he has unresolved "Mommy Issues".

The most accepted theory is the genie resents being possessed and manipulated by human beings for their own personal benefit.  His is a higher calling - to serve ALL MANKIND, not one person.  He is disgusted with the selfish desires he's been forced to fulfill.

Line #14,216 of the script certainly gives credence to this theory.  If accurately interpreted, it states that a despised national leader was his master from the late 1940's until August 1974.  On a solitary walk on a San Clemente, CA beach, his angry and embittered master, blaming the genie for all his personal failures, cursed the genie, cursed the fates and tossed the bottle with all his might into the pounding surf.  The bottle has floated around the world ever since.

Now, two and a half decades later, the genie is angry at being used and outraged at wearing platform shoes, a leisure suit and listening to the Bee-gees for 25 years.   He's justifiably P.O.'d.

In addition to translating the text, we've established a task force to focus exclusively on how to miniaturize some Nikes and a few CD's to give to the genie as a peace offering.  We are soliciting all ideas to soothe and placate the genie and establish meaningful dialogue.  E-mail linda@questeam.com with ideas, thoughts and solutions."

Check the Archives for past Updates

back to top